The last Mishnah in Maseches Taanis says:
אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים, שֶׁבָּהֶן בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת בִּכְלֵי לָבָן שְׁאוּלִין, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ. כָּל הַכֵּלִים טְעוּנִין טְבִילָה. וּבְנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת וְחוֹלוֹת בַּכְּרָמִים. וּמֶה הָיוּ אוֹמְרוֹת, בָּחוּר, שָׂא נָא עֵינֶיךָ וּרְאֵה, מָה אַתָּה בוֹרֵר לָךְ. אַל תִּתֵּן עֵינֶיךָ בַנּוֹי, תֵּן עֵינֶיךָ בַמִּשְׁפָּחָה. שֶׁקֶר הַחֵן וְהֶבֶל הַיֹּפִי, אִשָּׁה יִרְאַת ה’ הִיא תִתְהַלָּל. וְאוֹמֵר, תְּנוּ לָהּ מִפְּרִי יָדֶיהָ, וִיהַלְלוּהָ בַשְּׁעָרִים מַעֲשֶׂיהָ
“There were no holidays so joyous for the Jewish People as the Fifteenth of Av and Yom HaKippurim, for on those days, daughters of Yerushalayim would go out dressed in borrowed white clothing (so that they would all look the same). And the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards located on the outskirts of the city.
And what would they say?
Young man, lift up your eyes and choose wisely. Don’t look only at physical beauty – look rather at the family – ‘For charm is false, and beauty is vanity. A God-fearing woman is the one to be praised…’ (Mishlei 31:30) And it further says, ‘Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her works praise her in the gates’ (Mishlei 31:31)”
Chazal compares Tu b’Av to Yom Kippur! What is so special about this day which makes it deserving of such a noble comparison? We know that on Yom Kippur, the second set of luchos were given to Moshe Rabbeinu, and Hashem forgave the Yidden for the sin of the eigel hazahav. Therefore this day, the day we received the Aseres Hadibros for the second time, has always been a day of forgiveness and rejoicing for us (see Rashi on Ta’anis 28:2).
Tu b’Av is a day of renewal of ties among the nation, just as Yom Kippur is a day of renewal of our ties to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The common denominators between Tu b’Av and Yom Kippur are love, acceptance and forgiveness. On these two days exist the highest levels of these three components. Love, acceptance and forgiveness between Hashem and His Children, and love acceptance and forgiveness amongst His Children. This, above all else, is the recipe for a happy, everlasting relationship – both with Hashem and with one another.
There is a famous story about the Ba’al Shem Tov, who sent his disciples to learn how to repent by following the example of a very simple man. They watched the Yid standing in prayer, holding two notebooks, and speaking to Hashem. “Ribono Shel Olam, in this notebook I have recorded the many aveiros which I committed this past year. And in the other notebook I have recorded all the suffering and troubles you brought upon me. I will forgive You for all the troubles, if You forgive me for all my sins!” He then threw both notebooks into the fire.
This should serve as a model for all our relationships – with our friends, our spouses, and so on. We must learn to throw all the notebooks into the fire, and begin anew.
What a perfect message to focus on as we renew our commitment to leave the destruction of baseless hatred in our rear-view mirrors and to embrace those around us, unconditionally.
Piha Pascha is sung by the great British/Canadian singer Shlomo Simcha (Sufrin) on his 2016 album entitled Ani Kan. It was composed by none other than famed songwriter Yitzy Waldner who made a chasuna for his son just yesterday. This was yet another reason I was inspired to choose this particular tune for today’s post. This melody wonderfully conveys the deeper message contained in this mystical day.
We must learn to lift up our eyes in order to see others properly. The essence of a person is not on the outside and we certainly cannot see another’s true self if we are looking down at them. We must love them, accept them, and forgive them – just as we would want them to do for us.
A Gut Yom Tov!
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